Rock n' Roll Half Marathon

On Sunday, October 5th, Missie and I participated in the Rock n' Roll half marathon in San Jose. Here is a minute by minute breakdown of our experience. Much of it may be made up. Or not. I can't really remember because I was pretty tired.
6:30am - I awaken to my lovely wife's happy face smiling way bigger than anyone should be smiling at 6:30am. She is obviously much more excited about this race than I am. Maybe that has something to do with the fact that I have run a total of 6 miles in the last, oh, 6 months and she's been training three days a week for ever. A half marathon is... let me check... 13.1 miles long. Red flag.
6:45am - Missie introduces me to a product called 'Glide' which looks like deodorant but is actually a lubricant that is designed to keep your rubbing places from chafing. I take the 'more is better approach' and apply it liberally to my whole body. You never know what's gonna chafe.
6:46am - I can't get out of the bathroom because my hand keeps slipping on the door knob. This glide stuff really works.
7:00am - Missie frees me from my bathroom prison. We ceremoniously eat a spoonful of peanut butter for breakfast. Missie swears that tons of runners eat this stuff as fuel before a race. I think it's just an excuse to eat peanut butter.
7:03am - Missie turns her back and I shovel a bunch more peanut butter in before she can catch me. I hope she doesn't read this blog.
8:00am - We're lining up for our race, and I find out that I'm not supposed to be in the same coral as Miss. Apparently they assumed that since I'm a boy, I'm probably faster than Missie. Sexist pigs.
8:01am - Ok, I am faster than Miss. but today I'm running at her pace so I bend the rules and start in her coral. A guy close to us is wearing a prison jumpsuit and a mullet wig. Apparently we picked the PARTY coral! I'm wishing I wore my 'Mr. Tumnus' costume.
8:05am - We start running.
8:35am - We're still running.
8:45am - The running continues.
9:00am - You're probably thankful at this point that I'm not doing a true 'minute by minute' rundown of our experience. Let's just stick to the highlights.
9:07am - We are thankful for roadside port-a-potties. I'll spare you the details.
9:15am - We pass a cover band playing 50's bee-bop rock. The Rock n' Roll half marathon is unique because several bands are placed throughout the race to encourage and inspire the runners. Many of the runners raise their hands up and cheer for the band. I hope we get some 'Eye of the Tiger' at some point.
9:25am - The sun is starting to come up and I am sweating gratuitously. My wife is glistening. Gratuitously. I'm pretty happy with my decision NOT to wear the Mr. Tumnus costume about now.
9:38am - Every couple of miles there are tables set up with water and Cytomax (Gatorade competitor). It's pretty fun drinking your fill and then just chucking the cup on the ground. I feel like a rebel. Missie is fighting the urge to pick up every cup and make sure it finds it's way into the trash.
9:51am - We've been running since 8:00am. That's almost two hours, or more than I have run in the last three months combined. What am I doing out here? I pass a guy who's wearing a t-shirt that just about sums up my experience: "Our sport is what your sport does for punishment". That's seems about right.
9:55am - We come up on another re-hydrating station. In addition to my free Cytomax, a volunteer hands me a protein gel packet. I tear it open and squeeze some into my mouth. Apparently I got the 'Bitter dirt' flavored protein gel. I litter the packet and then run back to the table for more Cytomax.
10:03am - We're getting tired, so we start to play a game were we pick out a person in front of us and try to catch up to them. It motivates us, and keeps our mind off the fact that we could be doing anything other than running on this beautiful Sunday morning.
10:15am - "Hey Miss, you see that tall guy in the red..." "THE GAME IS OVER. I DON'T WANT TO PLAY ANYMORE." Wow. I guess that's just Missie's 'competitive streak' coming out. Or maybe she didn't use enough Glide. That's some good stuff right there.
10:20am - We spot the donkey lady ahead of us. The donkey lady is a supremely pleasant gal in her mid fifties who is wearing a pair of stylish donkey ears that set her apart from the pack. Something else that sets her apart from the pack is the fact that she is speed walking, and faster than a bunch of us who are running. We are determined to finish ahead of her.
10:24am - Donkey lady is faster than we thought.
10:30am - We are officially not going to make it in our goal time of 2.5 hours. But by golly, we will not be beaten by a senior citizen wearing Donkey ears.
10:32am - As we climb a subtle grade, a young woman beside us is struggling. Her friends, who are obviously more athletic and better prepared than her, give some cheerful encouragement - "You can do it, pump your arms." "I'M PUMPING ALREADY!!!", she replies, obviously tired of hearing encouragements from people who do not feel her pain. 80 percent of the other runners around her immediately cheer her frustrated response, she has said what most of the people in our pace group want to say but don't have the energy to.
10:34am - Those donkey ears are taunting us, gently bobbing up and down at a brisk rate as we scrape together the last bit of energy we have. I bet you Missie is wishing she shoveled in a little more peanut butter this morning. She hits the 'power song' button on her i-pod and we make our final push.
10:38am - I give donkey lady props as we PASS her, just minutes before the finish line. Ok, so how lame am I that I'm proud I defeated a speed walking grandma in a half-marathon. Regardless, we're almost there. I think I hear 'We've Come So Far' from the Hairspray Soundtrack playing from Missie's earphones.
10:40am - IT'S OVER!!! We cross the line and are immediately greeted by volunteers holding cold wet towels, chilled water bottles and signs that encourage us for working so hard. That refreshing towel makes the whole thing worth it. Oh wait, no it doesn't. But seeing the joy in Missie's face that I was willing to share this experience with her DOES make it worth it. I'm really proud of her, and I'm grateful that I'll always be a big part of her memory of this day. Ok Miss, I ran a half marathon with you, now you get to enter a jiu-jitsu tournament with me, right?